Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
