He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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