So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
did i just pee glitter
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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