so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
