life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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