all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
