I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
