shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
