Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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