When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
