to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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