So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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