I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
