I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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