Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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