FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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