you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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