Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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