yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
