I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
