So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
