She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
