There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
