Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
