i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
