GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
