Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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