I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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