So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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