i don't like sucking hair
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
did you just send me my own nude
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
