if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
false alarm, still single
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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