In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
