I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
