Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
