For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
