All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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