It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
