yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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