she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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