Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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