And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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