The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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