You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
