My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
