She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The air was thick with penises
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize