you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
