You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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