i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
