god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
