Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is the high leading the old right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
