I heard we made out
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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