if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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