If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
