Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
