I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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