Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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