he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize