How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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