i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
