you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
