We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
