If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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