No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
