you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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