just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Girls should come with a carfax report
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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