my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
