): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
