You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
