i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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