Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
