So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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