Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
