So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
why is half of my head shaved?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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