we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
