He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
