i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
