Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
