The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
