Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
