Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
