she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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