i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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