that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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