the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
