Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
